• February 8th – Thoughts on the Misogyny Bowl in advertising (versus a truly uplifting game) – "The way for a man to regain his balls/spine, suggested the ad, was to get a Flo TV so that he could passively-aggressively watch his game while pointedly ignoring his wife on their outing while technically obeying her overbearing feminine demands he’s powerless to resist openly."
• February 8th – Polydora – I saw a thing on a blog the other day saying that poly was becoming more main stream – I guess this is just one example.
• February 4th – The real cost of Coke – Nothing like pointless markup. "They said: “if customers want smaller portions they ought to be willing to pay for them.” Oh."
• February 3rd – Enough is Enough – a very mature PBTH! to you
• February 3rd – “Playback.” – I don't watch this show, but I thought the commentary was really relevant for ANY of the reality dance shows, and I thought the dance clip was really good.
• February 1st – Tank girl …You’re my only hope – This is one of the few "bad" movies that I really enjoy – I'll watch it any time it is on cable. Nice to see I am not the only one who loves it.

But i can certainly see how it would annoy their customers.

Fuck

It comes down to that old adage “Do something right, or don’t do it”, I usually only do things that I perceive myself “good” (and my standards for “good” are pretty high). I think that this can often been seen in the all or nothing way I handle lots of things.

New project get started, I push way too hard, I have way too big plans, and then if have any sort of failure or confusion and get discouraged/frustrated, I then tend to drop it, at least for a while, before I get inspired to do it again.

This ends up stalling me in lots of things I want to do – or want to be, it also gets in the way of getting started on new projects sometimes. I use the excuse of X or Y not being exactly the way I want it to keep me from jumping in and getting started. And then I procrastinate and procrastinate until the desire to do the thing falls away or I despair at ever being able to do it etc. And then sometimes the self-berating starts in, where I tell myself, that I am lazy etc. and that is why I don’t get started or finished on project.

It also gets in the way of finishing things – if I don’t finish it, then I (or for that matter *YOU*) can never judge it and find it lacking (at least not without the back-door excuse of “well its not finished yet”). Never-mind that one can also judge the fact that I frequently don’t finish these things. Even if the finishing is mostly symbolic, like sewing ends in at the end of a knitting project.

I do have a window for learning curve, but it frequently needs to be in the sanctioned environment of a “class” or “workshop” where I am expected by circumstance to not be perfect. Not that I don’t then expect myself to be at the front end of the learning curve in the class.

One of the places that this all has recently been biting me in the ass is right here on LJ. A few weeks ago I started tagging old posts, and as such reading them. At about the same time I started reading many more blogs. I started noting some of the really awful and fairly incoherent writing I had done, especially considering the quality of some of the things I was reading. I started composing entries in my head, but I couldn’t ever get them to be as coherent as I wanted them to be. I couldn’t seem to get them to convey either the emotion I wanted them to, or the keen and clear political/social etc. thought that I was trying get across. And I bogged down . . . and I ground to a halt.

There has been a bunch of things that I would have liked to have posted about – events at my house, guests (especially ‘s visit), things I have been reading and doing, some emerging thought stuff etc. But the more I didn’t post the harder it became to get over the hurdle of posting about anything except really innocuous stuff, like invitations or right that second rants that I just had to get out.

I am not sure that I have much of an “in conclusion”. I am not sure that anyone even really noticed (I am not sure that this phenomenon is even something that *is* noticeable from anywhere but inside).