Goals, plans and other things that don’t work for me …

I suck at being a Virgo. Outside of my curious love of office supplies and little small bowl and organizational systems .... okay maybe I don't so much SUCK at being a Virgo. Really I am the product of what happens when Virgo meets ADD.  I love plans, I love making detailed little plans. And then when I can't follow them I freak out and feel like a failure.  So survival means skipping the plans and winging it. I don't have a cute red dress hanging outside my closet to fixate on. I don't have a size I want to be. I don't have a some weight that I picked because it sounded good, or because someone's math told me it was the right weight for my height.  And contrary to what the motivationalists will tell you - this is a good thing for me. Which isn't to say I have NO goals - I would have to have much better access to much more fun chemicals to lose that ability.  And I won't even say my goals are small or modest. But they are more nebulous. That might come back to bite me later - or later the goals might get more concrete. Or maybe someday i'll just decide that I've gotten there. There will not be mantras involved in getting there. Someday they might invent "motivation for cynics" - but I haven't found a version yet that doesn't make me want to gag. I think wanting to do it is going to have to be enough. So currently the plan and goal - is to go. Meaning go to the health club and do "something". Something is not going to be very defined - at least for a while. Get to the club, if there is a class that is interesting - take it, if not, do something else.  (I know, strangely logical) So far that is panning out to about two classes a week (pilates or yoga) and two days of treadmill/bike/elliptical/aerobic thingie plus some circuit machines and stretching. When I come back from vacation at the end of March i hope to add swimming in there. But vainly, I don't want to do too much chlorinated pool blended with funky hair dye before going to see the family I rarely see. So that is the plan ...

Summer updates

I just realized its been a while since I made any sort of substantive update - so in the words of Inigo Montoya, "Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up"

Some summer highlights:

Tomatoes from the garden are 200% better than tomatoes from the store. I might never eat them from the store again.

Almost everyday, in my head, I thank all my friends who helped me build my garden. So now I'll do it outside my head: Thank you!!! So very much!!!

Took a photography class with Franklin Habit at Loopy Yarns, AWESOME!

Had a house concert for Sooj which many of you came to.

On new (added) meds for my ADD which has resulted in major sleep disturbance. Its hard to concentrate with so little sleep, so its hard to evaluate the meds.

Have dyed my hair funny colors and gotten my ears re-pierced. I think I am worrying about getting old.

Fallen in love with a new (for me) tv show, Friday Night Lights. I haven't liked a show this much since Buffy. Insert days of squeeing here. GGood stories, stong women, great characters, and lots of pretty - boys and girls and scenery, yum yum yum . . . Okay I'll stop now before I get too out of control. ;)

Got Seanan McGuire's new book. Just started reading it - enjoying it muchly.

Knitting is happening, lots of socks. Maybe pictures and possibly even a proto-pattern soon.

Want to make some earings - might need help with this.

My birthday is coming soon, I think I am closer to 40 than I'd like to be.

Scheduling craft and music days again, but not till 2010.

And I think that is probably enough for one post. Have to leave something for the next one!

Belated Update

So most of May and a little of June: ADD meds seem to be working somewhat - I do wish I could find a different head-doc that would be easier to talk to about what efficacy I am actually getting. Right now it is quite clear that she isn't actually listening to me (Evan sat in on the last meeting and concurred), while constantly suggesting that she will stop prescribing, even when we have found something that gives me some sort of useful effect. I am trying to figure out the best way to address this, it has already been clear to me that she doesn't like being contradicted, or approached about things that are less than on-topic. The bonus is that I don't have to see her again for 2 months now that she likes the results she thinks I am getting from what I am on. Wiscon was AWESOME!! I will definitely be going again and I am hoping S.B. and I maybe can get it together to throw a party.  Its memorial day weekend, and if I haven't already encouraged you to come, expect it next time I see you - yeah you - all of you ;) My garden is mostly coming along, I am bit behind in a few areas and might be a loser on squash and cucumber this year which would be a bummer. But so far carrots, beets and leafy vegs look good. I think the chilly weather is slowing down the tomatoes, but they look healthy so I am keeping up hope. I have some baby beans and peas that need to get trellised before they get much bigger and I am crossing my fingers that they continue to flourish. In the non-veg world I have a serious amount of weeding to do - Hey S.B. we should look at a calendar and get some plans going!! I have been sucky at pictures lately - but I'll work at getting some up. Hosted a "un-Tea" with J.F. and M.G. and had a blast. For those who are curious a "Un-Tea" is a tea like gathering with cute sammiches and little finger foods etc - hosted by people who largely don't drink tea. We had some tea for the die-hards, but also had lemonade, sangria, and a variety of fizzy juice things. I hope all the attendees has as good of a time as we had throwing it, and an extra thanks to the folks who contributed food items. I can't wait to try it again ... House is a huge pit, and its been hard to motivate to get it cleaner. I had to do some cleaning to dig out the appliances to make the food for the tea party. I hate it when E. and I let the house go to a place where I am disgusted with my own house and ashamed that we have let it get so far. All the shame and disgust makes it harder to tackle the cleaning - much easier to ignore and push those feelings aside. But we might have a house guest weekend after this, so we really have to get our butts in gear. This also means we haven't been cooking much, and it is starting to frustrate me. We need to completely empty the fridge and clean it top to bottom and then start disciplining ourselves to work on eating out the freezer. I want to start a worm composter - but see earlier paragraph about state of the house. Have to fix that first - so I can get to the place that has the containers that I am going to turn into a worm composter. Also to make the space for the composter to live.  Extra motivation - lets see if it helps. S.J. Tucker in concert here next week! Whoo!!! and then at Duckcon whee!!   -  I saw her at Wiscon (first time seeing her live) and she was great even though she was under the weather. I am really hoping I can get her at the house for a concert We will probably be at Duckcon during the day on Saturday. We have a hotel room nearbye to crash at so I expect we'll be there into the late evening at the least. I haven't ever really been to Duck before, so I am looking forward to it . . . The "un-tea" made me remember how much I liked hosting stuff.  I am hoping I can find the time to put some craft days back in the schedule and ease myself back into the hosting routine.

Drive by late night update

Watched Glee . . . uhm . . . they have stolen all the cheeze and possibly the whiz too. Many things annoyed me, and some amused me. I seriously hope they were going for caricatures, because they certainly got them, and not always in a way that was okay for me (materialistic wife who hates her husbands dreams, minorities as spunky but useful backup, driven career girl and christian/slutty/blond cheerleader, evil high-school cliques, etc I could go on and on. Getting ready to go to Wiscon for my first time. As usual feeling trepidations and shy. I wish I felt more comfortable around people I don't know. Thank Stephanie that I am going with a friend. Hope she doesn't mind me clinging like a limpet . . . Meds are bringing some improvement - but it seems to come in bursts - which is a bit frustrating. And gee mom - of course meds will make up for a lifetime of bad habits and responses. Now that I am medicated, i will become susie homemaker and always have the house clean . . .NOT!! *sigh* Working on streamlining some life stuff, I will probably trim some folks from LJ. For the most part it isn't personal, and I suspect that most folks won't notice or care, but if you do, drop me a line and we can chat about it. If I have time to do some reconnaissance and archiving off old communities that I used to be involved in, I might trim off quite a bit of the more media fannish side and start clean there - and maybe move that bit mostly over to Dreamwith. Working on getting myself back into guitar playing, starting by "researching" a new playlist. SOSOSO sick of most of the songs I have been playing that I mostly just stopped playing. Some of the ones I want to learn are going to be quite a stretch both vocally and on guitar - and that should be pretty cool. Garden appears to be moving along - if a bit late. I am trying to learn the plan's tolerances (cold, heat, wet, dry), and remind myself that i won't succeed at everything the first year. So far it appears that i'll have lettuce, onions/leeks, spinach, and maybe carrots and beets. Broccoli looks good so far and so do strawberries. I should have seeds coming up for a bunch of things *VERY SOON NOW* (hint hint). When i come back from WisCon, there will have to be plant supports for tomatoes, beans, peas, and cucumbers. And hopefully it won't be too late to start squash - cause it just isn't going to happen until then. Tried to make a doctor appt today - not that I demand instant service, but it would be nice if when they took your name and number they actually called you back. Was much easier to make a hair cutting appt. Speaking of which - finally found a hair guy I like, after the last guy got promoted away from me. So of course, this guy is moving on . . . now I must start auditioning stylists again. The way my hair looks you'd never know that I am really picky about who cuts it. Is it too much to have a few vanities, my shoes, my toenail polish and my hair cutting person . . .

New Meds

We've axed the Adderall, when we started moving me up into the area of actual theraputic doses, I started having a whole series of bleah sideaffects including nausea, sleeplessness, lack of appetite, light-headedness, anxious tummy, and all this was distracting enough it was hard to tell if I was getting any positive affect from it. Now we are playing with Strattera I started with a standard low dose on Sunday, and I'll move into a higher dose next week. This is a newer - non-stimulant type of ADD drug. And the affects are suppossed to be gradual and last all day once you are fully on the meds.  It will be useful for anyone who sees me fairly regularly to give me feedback if they see a noticable change.